Parents navigating a divorce or breakup often worry about their relationships with their children. Many people have heard horror stories about bitter parents who intentionally cut their children off from the other parent by poisoning their relationship.
Parental alienation involves manipulating children into having negative opinions of one parent and possibly preventing them from spending time with that parent. Those preparing for shared custody or adjusting to a shared custody arrangement often worry that they could lose some of their most important relationships due to misconduct by their child’s other parent.
How can a parent protect themselves from the possibility of parental alienation?
Establish communication rules
A good parenting plan should include clear rules about how and when parents communicate with the children when they are with the other parent. Ensuring that there are available lines of communication via email and mobile phones can help parents remain connected to their children.
Consider co-parenting therapy
Parental alienation is often the result of unresolved anger toward a co-parent. Co-parenting counseling after a divorce is a way to work on the relationship between the adults in the family so that they can effectively meet the needs of the children. Doing so can lead to a better dynamic and limit the likelihood of alienation attempts.
Reschedule instead of canceling
Sometimes, a parent has to change their arrangements because of work or illness. When other factors prevent a parent from having time with their children, they can potentially request make-up parenting time. Making use of that right consistently can prevent situations where one parent convinces the children the other doesn’t want to spend time with them.
Documents criticism from the children
Children often have a hard time working through their feelings when their parents separate and may internalize what the other parent says. Parents need to pay close attention to the type of language their children use toward them and about them. Keeping close records of negative speech can help parents identify patterns and recognize when the other parent might have badmouthed them to the children.
Find new ways to connect
Spending less time overall with the children can damage the parent-child bond. Parents can counter the strain caused by shared custody arrangements by starting new hobbies or traditions with the children. Finding activities that everyone enjoys together can help ensure that children feel connected to their parents and enjoy their time with them.
Unfortunately, preventing parental alienation isn’t always a realistic goal. No parent can control what the other does when they are not present. Parents who spot warning signs of parental alienation often need to take steps quickly to correct the issue. Documenting alienation attempts and seeking custody modifications can help parents prevent scenarios in which they become alienated and then estranged from their children.