Every family has unique dynamics. Children generally love both of their parents and desire approval and support from both of them. However, children may have a closer bond with one parent than the other.
Factors including differences in parenting styles, puberty and preferred activities can influence the closeness of parent-child bonds. Some parents preparing for divorce may worry that they might lose contact with their children because the other parent has a closer connection with them currently.
Other parents may assume that they can obtain sole custody or the vast majority of parenting time because the children prefer to spend time with them. Do the family courts let children decide which parent they live within a divorce or shared custody scenario?
The preferences of children matter
Families typically have control over how they allocate parental rights and responsibilities. They can set terms that allow the children to spend time with both parents. A judge only assumes authority in situations where parents cannot amicably agree on how to split parenting time and decision-making authority.
If a judge has to resolve custody disputes, their main concern should always be what is in the best interests of the children. One of the many factors a judge can consider when deciding on a child’s best interests can be the stated preferences of that child. However, the age, maturity and reasoning of the child determine how much influence their preferences have.
There is no set age at which a child’s preferences matter, although 12 is often the baseline. Every child matures at a different rate, and a judge has to consider their overall maturity and intelligence when deciding whether to inquire about their preferences and how much weight to give their statement.
The reasoning behind their wishes is also important. Generally speaking, a child does not have full control over who they live with until they become a legal adult. Until that point, they must abide by the custody order and spend time with both parents.
Understanding the factors that influence the judge’s determinations can benefit those negotiating or preparing to litigate child custody matters. Even parents who have complicated relationships with their children can typically secure a reasonable amount of overnight parenting time.
